USA, My First Home

I arrived back in the United States on August 7. It's pretty strange to have Taco Bell, dishwashers, Best Buy and a gigantic wardrobe again. In fact, it's not as awesome as I remember to have all of these conveniences. Well, having a dishwasher definitely lives up to expectations, but for example, I keep finding myself frustrated because I have so many clothes that I can't find the ones I'm looking for! It was kind of nice to have only the clothes that would fit in one duffel bag. I thought that I was going to die when I had to go without electricity and running water for two weeks in Swaziland, but now that I'm back in the Land of Plenty, I don't know what to do with myself!
While driving or walking or hanging out with friends, I often find myself really struck by the differences between life in Swaziland and life here. When I first got to Swaziland, it felt so unreal to be in Africa, but now that I'm back home, Swaziland seems like my real life and the US feels strange. I can't believe I'm going back to University and getting a job. I still wake up disoriented, thinking I'm late for teaching English at Baha'i High.
I am, however, ecstatic to be back with my family and friends, especially my grandparents. It's good to just sit with them and talk as if we were never apart at all. But I really miss my Swazi brothers and sisters. I really miss Emmanuel. I know I'll eventually get back to Swaziland to visit them, and even though it's hard to adjust to life here, I'm excited to finish my degree so that I'm free to go where I want.
When I first arrived in Swaziland, I was feeling lonely and isolated in a completely new place with a new culture. But I stayed strong and positive through prayer and by remembering that I had a mission and a purpose to serve humanity, to serve God and to teach the Faith. Now that I'm no longer doing a 'year of service,' I don't want to let go of that mission. My Faith is important to me and I will do my best to 'fuse and unify the contending peoples and kindreds of the earth.' Even though my year of service is over, my life of service is just barely started. My year of service really changed my outlook on life and spirituality and I'm really grateful to God for bringing me through these seven months so that I'm better prepared for the rest of my life. I think I grew more in this time than in the last 5 years together! After reading about my experiences doing service, I hope that all of you will also look into new ways to serve, whether it's long term, short term like mine, or just a small random act of kindness. Everything makes a difference for you as well as the community and even the whole world. When we all arise to serve as one united human family, that's when the worlds' problems that seem impossible will be solved.

'The betterment of the world can be achieved through pure and goodly deeds, through commendable and seemly conduct.'

Swaziland, Ekhaya Lami (My Home)

Sorry for the long absence, but things have been pretty busy! I’m even exhausted now because yesterday I was running (literally and figuratively) around town trying to get my immigration papers straightened out (which I did, thank God). Then last night we had Ruhi study circles at my house and afterward people hung around drinking tea and enjoying our tiny little space heater until about 9:45, and then I got up early this morning for school. School is going well! The teacher I was substituting for is better and came back so now I have six different classes. There is one class that makes me crazy sometimes because they talk so much, but out of six classes I think I’m pretty lucky to have only one that is difficult. I’m teaching English as a second language now - basically a remedial English class. Since most Swazis speak English as a second or even third language, some syntax, etc. gives them trouble. We do vocabulary, study sentence structure, reading techniques, idioms, and we’re about to start on noun-verb agreement. I enjoy the classes and the kids (grades 8 and 9).

The youth in my community are planning a youth conference to encourage the youth to take a more active role in the community- especially in teaching the Faith. This culture in general teaches children to ‘be seen and not heard,’ which presents a problem when they become youth and are shy to speak out in the presence of adults - for example, during consultation at Feast, or in Sunday devotions, or even when teaching friends about the Faith. I’m really excited about the conference!

Some more good news - I trained some youth from around the country in Book 5 and three of the guys from my community have started their own junior youth group! They invited the neighborhood kids and 28 came to the first meeting! We’ve had three meetings now and it seems as though we’ve settled on 10 members, which is a perfect number. The junior youth are really excited to come, and they have some great ideas for community service projects. Interestingly, when asked what they hope for their community, they almost all replied that they want enough food and water for the whole community! It kind of gives you an idea of the state of things when some of the kids don’t even have proper shoes or clothes without holes in them, but they still want to help their communities to have enough to eat. I wish I could find a way to help them get shoes, clothes, school fees and supplies, food and water, but I’m only one person. I’m wondering if there’s a charity that I can help out from back in the states. Or maybe I can just send some books and shoes and clothes to them periodically. As it is, I plan to at least leave behind the majority of the clothing I brought from home when I return. They’re not new, but at least they’re something. I have a whole closet full of clothes at home; I can definitely spare a few articles for these kids. I just hope that I can do more for them in the future.

One of the volunteers, Margit, went back to Canada on June 1st. We were sad to see her go because she has such a kind and loving spirit, but she emailed us from Canada and it seems like she’s really happy to be home again with her grown daughter and friends. I’m next to go (August 6th) and I’ll also be happy to see my family and friends but I’m going to miss this place sorely. The people are kind and friendly (sometimes the guys are a little too friendly! I’ve had to turn down many, many marriage proposals) and I feel like I now have a huge family here- I have so many ‘sisi’s (sisters), ‘bhutti’s (brothers), ‘make’s (mothers), and ‘babe’s (fathers)! I love the way that people use family terms like that instead of ‘mrs.’, ‘miss,’ ‘mr.,’ or if they don’t know your name. It feels good when people say ‘Hello, Sisi!’ I feel like I really am a part of the family! And of course, my roommate has become my honorary sister. Thobile and I like to tell people that we were separated from birth because of a mistake in the hospital. We joke about it, but I really feel that close to her. Definitely, though, the person I’ll miss the most is Emmanuel, the third volunteer. My consolation is that the sooner I go back to the States, the sooner I can finish University and come back to Africa as a real teacher.

When I think about going home, I wonder if home will be the same for me. I’ve been greatly changed by my experience in Swaziland, seeing so much poverty and disease and the strength with which the communities most badly affected band together and carry on with their lives. I’ve met too many families headed by girls or boys under the age of 18 because they were orphaned by AIDS or some other disease or accident; I’ve seen too many cows wandering the street just skin and bones; I’ve seen too many children selling candy or fruit on the side of the road instead of going to school because they can’t afford the fees; I’ve seen too many children eating a small amount of corn porridge because there’s nothing else available; I’ve seen too many one room, stick-and-mud houses with luxurious mansions enclosed in barbed wire fences just down the street. I’ve seen too much to go home unaffected. I wonder if anything will seem right to me when I go back to ‘the land of plenty,’ but also the land of individualism, of materialism. I just wish there was more that I could do to help my Swazi family.

"O Brethren! Be forbearing one with another and set not your affections on things below. Pride not yourselves in your glory, and be not ashamed of abasement. By My Beauty! I have created all things from dust, and to dust will I return them again."

"O Children of Dust! Tell the rich of the midnight sighing of the poor, left heedlessness may lead them into the path of destruction, and deprive them of the Tree of Wealth. To give and to be generous are attributes of Mine; well is it with him that adorneth himself with My virtues."

"O Son of My Handmaid! Be not troubled in poverty now confident in riches, for poverty is followed by riches, and riches are followed by poverty. Yet to be poor in all save God is a wondrous gift, belittle not the value thereof, for in the end it will make thee rich in God, and thus thou shalt know the meaning of the utterance, ‘In truth ye are the poor,’ and the holy words: ‘God is the all-possessing,’ shall even as the true morn break forth gloriously resplendent upon the horizon of the lover’s heart, and abide secure on the throne of wealth."

-The Hidden Words of Baha’u’llah (48, 49, 51 from the Persian)

Ngiya E Piggs Peak (I'm going to Piggs Peak)

Unexpectedly, I received word that I and two other Baha'is are being sent to a small town near Piggs Peak for a two-week long intensive teaching campaign. Our roles will be guides to accompany and encourage Baha'is to carry out the four core activities (devotional gatherings, children's classes, junior youth groups, and study circles about spiritual themes) which are performed by Baha'is everywhere in a collective effort to help our communities socially and economically develop, as well as spiritually develop. We will also help them to teach receptive people about the Baha'i Faith directly. I think that many Baha'is are shy to share the teachings of our Faith because we are forbidden to proselytize, but they fail to realize that every day, every hour even, people become interested in the Baha'i Faith, and should be given the opportunity to learn about it. If we are so shy to share our Faith, it will never grow and we will not be able to achieve our goal - in sum, to unite the world. Our trip is only one of many such trips to help local Baha'is become empowered to help their communities and teach the Faith effectively. I leave Tuesday and will come back in two weeks. I'll be sure to post an entry about my exciting new experiences when I return.

This trip will certainly be eye-opening for me. We will be in a very rural area, in a house with no electricity or running water. Surprisingly, many Swazis live this way, although much of the country is quite developed. It humbles me when I think of how difficult it is for me to even give up a dishwasher, much more so electricity in general.

I feel like even in my short time here, I have already developed spiritually much more so than I did in the entire previous year. I pray and read the Sacred Writings more than ever before, mostly because I'm realizing how powerless I really am, and how much I need that communion with and assistance from God in order to survive spiritual tests, to follow the laws of Baha'u'llah, and to help the Cause of God. I'm realizing how incredibly blessed I am to be a Baha'i in this crucial time in human history, when spiritual depravity, unchecked prejudice, and gross materialism have threatened to destroy civilization (ex. the atomic bomb), and how I am even more blessed to be a part of this world-wide community that is working to break down the crumbling old-world ideas and build a new civilization in its place, in which unity and peace are inevitable. I was sad when I first arrived because I was lost, culturally and otherwise, and I felt that I couldn't do much to help change the world. Now I know that it is impossible for me to feel sad knowing that Baha'u'llah has come to build the Kingdom of God on Earth, and I am a part of that process! I feel on fire with the love of God and I'm ready to serve His people in whatever capacity I can. Opportunity has been practically breaking down my door and now I feel strong enough to answer it and jump into service.I hope that all of you, no matter where you are or what religion you follow, if any, can also feel this power that I do and know that that every act of service, no matter how small, if done with the utmost selflessness, does change the world for the better.

"The betterment of the world can be achieved through pure and goodly deeds, commendable and seemly conduct." -The Baha'i Writings

I still miss home, but I'm so excited about service that I don't feel sad about it anymore. Like I said, how can I feel sad when I'm changing the world?

FOG (Feet On Ground)

I arrived safely in Swaziland on Sunday, January 6th. Dale Allen, the son of the Knights of Baha'u'llah who opened Swaziland (meaning the first Baha'is to pioneer to this country) picked me up from the airport, and he and his wife, Irma, had me over for dinner before taking me to my new home at the school.

My bag arrived safely, albeit 2 days late, with nothing missing or broken (except one headband broke) so I am very happy. I have made friends with the other volunteers; Emmanuel is a young Ugandan who stays in the Hospitality House next door, and Thobile is a 26-year-old Swazi girl who lives in the Caretaker's House with me and the last volunteer, Margaret, who is an older Hungarian woman. Margaret is very motherly and always makes sure I am eating enough. Thobile and the other Swazi Baha'is are helpful with my study of Siswati and Margaret loaned me her Siswati dictionary. I'm learning Siswati slowly, but surely. I can say "I am an American": "Ngiya li Melika."

Although most people are very friendly and everyone is kind, some of the young Swazis keep their distance, out of shyness maybe. That makes me feel lonely, but I when I am with the friends I have made I feel very joyful because they are always laughing and talking.

The two hardest things to get used to are language barriers and the lack of cleanliness. Language barriers, because while everyone speaks enough English, they often choose to speak in Siswati, even if I am involved in the conversation. I have to remind them that I don't understand, and then they translate for me, but they still switch to Siswati often. At those times I feel left out and lonely. Cleanliness is also an issue, because I'm very afraid of getting sick, so I like everything to be super-clean. They bathe daily, but do not wash their hands regularly. They don't mind bugs in the house, or using dirty towels to dry clean dishes. The biggest problem for me is that illness is common here, but nobody bothers to take precautions against it. The Caretaker's House where I live is a center of activity for the community, so people are always around and many eat with us. Because so many people visit, I am very cautious to clean dishes and my things and my hands very carefully because I don't know who is ill that has been at my house.

Ironically, it is the middle of summer here, and the last three days have been rainy and cold. It feels like winter! Apparently this is unusual weather, but it is hard because the house has no heater and I get cold during the day, though at night I can cover myself with wool blankets. It seems like the weather is getting warmer (the fog is lifting some) but I hope that it will be hot again soon!

On January 29th I will start working at the Baha'i Primary School, but for now I am helping to tutor a Ruhi Institute course called "Releasing the Powers of Junior Youth." I am also going to help start children's classes and junior youth groups in the neighborhood because currently there is only one children's class on Sundays. Other than these Baha'i activities, my only other adventure has been to take the combi (a small bus) to town to shop. The town is very small, but "The Mall" is nice and as big as the Oaks Mall near my university in the USA. The only thing that would make it better would be a Taco Bell, but I think I can sacrifice cheap tacos in order to do service for God and for humanity. ;)

The Internet service is spotty and goes out during storms (which happen often), and I can't access this blog or other social sites (like facebook) from the school where I live because they are blocked. When I can, I will go to the Internet Cafe in town to add entries, but not as often as I would like. Regardless, I hope to get responses from all of you to hear how you are doing. You can leave me comments here, or write me emails at this address: maiamily@ufl.edu.

I'll leave you with the short prayer I have been dwelling on the most in the past few days:

"O Lord! Make me a hollow reed from which the pith of self hath been blown, that I may become a clear channel through which Thy love may flow unto others."